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Man Totally Out of Ideas Use Feces to Hush Noisy Neighbor

Poop
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It’s safe to say the poop hit the fan.

A Chicago man has made himself a prime nominee for the spite hall of fame after he put liquid excrement under his neighbor’s apartment door because urine made no impact when it came to getting the neighbor to pipe down, reports CWB Chicago.

Alan Q. Clay, a 29-year-old engineer, is the brains behind the operation. Yes, an engineer, so you know he’s not a dummy and could probably think of something a little more high-tech to make his point.

The incident happened back in January. Clay has since pleaded guilty to criminal damage to property and will have two years of supervised release.

The 20-year-old neighbor reported the fecal matter by her door and had also busted Clay dumping pee into her home on a previous occasion.

Clay did himself no favors after police took him downtown. According to the police report, he admitted he became angry because building management did nothing to curb the noise coming from the woman’s apartment.

Here’s a partial transcript from the report, courtesy of CWB Chicago.

“He then stated, ‘After a while, I did prank them with urine. It seemed effective. It was the only way we could communicate.’ [An officer] asked, ‘What’s up with the [bleep]?’ ‘Well, I had to step it up.'”

Way to go, buddy. You stepped it up, alright. Hopefully, though, no one else stepped in it.

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